May 02, 2012

it is the dreaded untitled post.
 things are coming to a slow down here- 
I'm done with school for a couple weeks and all I have to worry
about is keeping the house clean and making sure everything is in order i.e. paper work for Adriana to go back to Jesse Wharton next year. I always, some how or another feel this empty void (though appreciated) when school stops. It kind of scares me-- like asking myself what's going to happen when I graduate next May? Will I always feel this void? Will I fill it with work I'm happy with or just getting by with until I can completely fulfill my dreams? I've been having these weird dreams and my intuition kicks in more times than none. I'm never quite sure if it's normal or if it's just me being the emotional, intuitive woman that I am. It's an overwhelming sort of sadness but not the depressing kind- sigh, I wish I could explain it. It turns into this unbelievable anxiety when the semester starts back up but I think it's what keeps me going, creatively and successfully. However, most days I think it's complete rubbish and more something I tell myself to feel better. I start classes back the middle of this month, just one studio and then again in July with one class. I'm not complaining about the break I have because if you know me you know how much I love to be home with my munchkins crafting, cooking and cleaning all day. I think it's just the challenge that makes my heart flutter and my blood pressure rise just a bit. I do hope that one day I can live my dream and own my gallery among other things. I hope that in my dream I am challenged each and every day and inspired by the kids who will make it everything it will be and can be. Until then, I worry. And worry for me is like eating a double cheeseburger with extra everything on it. unhealthy. I need to find a balance not in my every day life but in my heart- knowing that I can be satisfied with what I have (as I already am) or I can reach beyond that and stride for all that I deserve. I'm thinking I can do both, it's just a little harder for me to see something that isn't there yet. I know what I want to do, I just need to reassure myself every now and then that I can do it and that I have people who love me and support me. That's kind of all I need. So I'll take it and work on.

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