I don't even know where to start really.
I have a lot of built up crust on the inside that
I don't let anyone really see or try to wipe away.
I store it there and I leave it because
I just don't know what else to do with it.
I have kind of hit a point where I just need to vent it all.
I don't have the best relationships in the world
with some of the people in my life that I should.
I don't know if its because we butt heads and
it's just never worked out, or if its really because I am
this horrible person I'm made out to be.
I get in these moods where I feel helpless almost
and it seems that at my most vulnerable moments
the worst of everything happens.
As a kid, I was misunderstood,
much like I am now.
I am quick to get an attitude if I don't agree
usually misguided to being "disrespectful" [which it is not]
I stick to my guns, no matter what the other party thinks,
I am true to my word and never budge,
all things that I undoubtedly am working on
but I am also a very caring, sensitive and open minded person
especially when it comes to being a mother.
I more times than none, listen.
I am not quick to point fingers,
especially if I know the truth,
I am not quick to judge, if I do not know the other person
but I am pinned, constantly for this non sense.
I just want to one day be able to walk without
worrying about the eggshells below. I want to be able to wake up
and know I can depend on certain people in my life-
not like I'm this huge burden.
Just because you've been around longer, or may have been through
some of the same obstacles as me- does not mean its
easier for me not to make mistakes. I am a grown woman
and above all a human being
with odds less than most people because
I tend to forget things, even if I'm told one million times,
because I do get an attitude from time to time,
because I do furrow my brows when I don't understand,
and because I tend to cry and hide in my shell when
I am most upset.
but that doesn't make me any less of a person
and it doesn't make your life experience
any harder than mine, just because you've been there, done that.
It just means you've lived in your shoes
in the same circumstances and beat the odds.
we are all different.
I don't wear the same clothes as you.
we don't like the same kind of music.
we don't believe in the same things [and that's okay].
I'm thankful for that.
but let me be who I am. who I know I am,
who I have worked so hard to be
and let me be free.
I don't need to believe in your God.
& I don't need to be on my A game every day-
I do however, need to be comfortable with myself.
I am a mother first.
everything else comes after that.
I do need to be smart about my life.
I make my own decisions, responsible decisions
whether you agree with them or not.
I will and can be all of the things I want to be
with or without you
though I prefer you stand with me.
and that's all.
